for the first time in my life...i'm truly alone

and it's exhilarating.

after a very eventful [mostly in the negative fashion] final week in Kansas, i became a resident of Nebraska on Saturday, August 16, and moved in for good this past Tuesday. My mom had been staying with me and helping me move in since Wednesday and left about an hour ago.

part of me wanted to say "left [finally]" but honestly, i didn't mind having her here. I mean, i was definitely ready to be alone, but i think for the first time in my entire live [or at least since the teenage years began] my mother and i were able to not only tolerate each other, but enjoyed one another's company. and that felt nice.

i live on the third floor in my very own apartment on the East side of Lincoln, NE. I like it quite the bit, if i do say so myself. It's coming together bit by bit. I have food in my cupboards and pictures on my walls. Clothes in my closet and a couch in my living room. There's still a list of things I need but for right now-I can do without.

I'm worried about my financial aid. rent is due again by september 5th and I need my loan money by then or i'm doooomed. seriously. plus there's the whole not having a job yet thing and not having any money. things are becoming due. i applied at chili's today but won't hear back for about a week. i want to apply at some bars downtown but i'm not sure where to start.

i got robbed last week. last saturday at bullfrogs live selling shots. i was wearing a purple dress and black boots, and he stole more than my money. he stole my security. i'm scared to be alone now. i'm scared of being alone especially in public, and at night. as someone to my left was pulling a shot off of my tray, someone to my right reached in, grabbed my cup of money, and ran away. i cried. i was so frustrated and scared and confused. he had no idea how much more i needed than money than he did.

the thing that makes me sad about blogspot is that nobody ever reads my posts. sometimes it's a nice thought while i'm writing whatever i'm feeling at the time, but in reality-it'd be nice if someone cared what i had to say. after all that's why i write in the first place-is so that someone will [want to] read what i'm writing.